If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
