i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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