Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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