This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
