capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
