Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dignity is for republicans.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
