my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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