i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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