And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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