Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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