Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
