i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
