I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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