i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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