I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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