She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
