Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
