So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
