I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
