it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
