Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
