made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
