I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you never un-have a 4some
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
