New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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