the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
