I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
