i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
