I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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