I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't turn off my feet"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
