she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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