Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
