I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize