Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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