i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
