What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
