I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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