My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
