brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
