So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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