You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I touched a dick in church today
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
