clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
