woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
