She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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