i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
