Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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