whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
