My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
