So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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