I want to have your abortion
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
