worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
