You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
