how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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