The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
