I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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