3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize