Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize