but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
