i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
