Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
