She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
