its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
