Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
