Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
