Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
