I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
