My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
