I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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