Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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