Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize