He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
