omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
