yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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