She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize