Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
