Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
