I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Did I show you my penis last night?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
