You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize