her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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