i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
