Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
