Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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