Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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